February Movie Fricassee

Well, now that this Oscar business is over and the 2010 movie crop is officially in the books, we can get back to actually, y'know, reviewing & talking about new movies that are in theatres now or coming soon. Not quite sure how this happened, but after the first two months of 2011, I am actually AHEAD of last year's record-breaking movie-watching pace. That's just crazy... especially since there haven't been many films worth writing home about... or blogging about, as the case may be. That said, here's a recap of my past month's worth of big screen shenanigans....

SANCTUM -- Don't be fooled by the "James Cameron Presents" tagline. He didn't really have anything to do with this film other than providing his 3D technology. Indeed, that 3D is impressive, adding depth to visuals that are comprised of caverns, rock formations, nooks and crannies and underwater shots (field test for AVATAR 2, perhaps?). Unfortunately, the rest of the film is, well, pretty awful. It's not the simple story that bothers me -- explorers get stuck in world's deepest unexplored cavern and must escape or die; meanwhile, estranged father and son must reconcile -- but the acting and dialogue is just HORRENDOUS, cringe-inducing stuff. Not just the unknown Australian actors, either -- worst of all is Mr. Fantastic himself, Ioan Gruffudd, who is so bad that it wouldn't surprise me if he was never hired for anything besides crappy direct-to-DVD crap ever again.

THE ROOMMATE -- At first glance, a remake of SINGLE WHITE FEMALE starring Minka Kelly and Leighton Meester sounds like a gift from God... and then you realize that it's rated PG-13 and thus does not contain any of the visual stimuli that you'd hope to see in a remake of SINGLE WHITE FEMALE starring Minka Kelly and Leighton Meester. That being said, it still manages to be mildly enjoyable in spite of itself. Meester actually plays a pretty good creepy stalker, on top of being ridiculously hot. (On a related note, we can only hope that after Natalie Portman in BLACK SWAN and now Meester, we've entered a new age of cinematic female masturbation.) Amusing cameo by Billy Zane as a lecherous fashion professor, and there's even a crazy CB11 crossover when GOSSIP GIRL's Meester has sex with 90210's Matt Lanter... um, not that I know anything about either of those shows, I swear.

THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU --Can't go wrong with a movie based on a Philip K. Dick story, and this is a particularly good one: Classic Dickian (Dickish?) sci-fi with a great romantic twist that sort of plays upon the ever-popular (to me) subject of the "thunderbolt." Matt Damon plays a young senate hopeful who has a chance encounter with Emily Blunt and sparks fly. But seemingly-extenuating circumstances keep them apart until they bump into each other again years later, at which point he is convinced that it's meant to be. Or is it? So happens that an unseen secret agency has a pre-written plan for us all, and Damon's plan does NOT involve this woman -- so they attempts to keep the lovebirds apart at all costs. Confronted with a truth that no one is ever supposed to know exists, Damon must decide whether to let the thunderbolt go and accept his pre-written plan, or attempt to defy the powers-that-be and forge his own destiny. Great performances & chemistry from Damon & Blunt help drive this entertaining, poignant and thought-provoking film -- probably the best sci-fi action satire noir love story / religious allegory in recent memory.

JUST GO WITH IT -- I've been an Adam Sandler fanboy since his SNL days, and I still worship at the altar of BILLY MADISON. HAPPY GILMORE, THE WEDDING SINGER and THE WATERBOY expanded upon his man-boy comic genius, and the P.T. Anderson's PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE proved that he actually had some legit acting talent. But since then, it's been a steady decline for Mr. Sandler, culminating with this gigantic steaming turd of a film. Sandler stars as a single guy who wears a wedding ring to score chicks, which backfires when he legit falls in love with bodacious Brooklyn Decker (often scantily-clad and/or glistening). He enlists Jennifer Aniston to pose as his fake soon-to-be-ex-wife, to "prove" that the ring was just a big misunderstanding. Naturally, hijinks ensue as kids and old college rivalries get involved and the lie spirals out of control. Unfortunately, the hijinks are wildly unfunny -- Sandler & Co. are clearly trying to ad-lib and have fun with this thing, OCEAN'S 11-style, but they fail miserably and it is just painful to watch. Interestingly, I saw groups of teenagers coming to see the movie, which reminded me of my friends & I coming out in huge groups to see Sandler’s films in the ‘90s -- but today’s kids will probably never know how much fun it is to see a truly hilarious Sandler film on the big screen, and that makes me sad.

TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT -- Whereas HOT TUB TIME MACHINE was a spoof/tribute to classic '80s films (and a brilliant one at that), this film actually tries to BE a classic '80s film. Indeed, the filmmakers and actors do a fine job of capturing the look, feel, spirit and actions of a typical '80s sex/party/coming-of-age comedy. Unfortunately, there isn't much there under the surface. It's not particularly funny and most of the acting and dialogue is mediocre at best. I've always liked Topher Grace, but I'm not sure what he needs to do to get out of the rut he's been stuck in for pretty much his entire post-Eric Foreman career. Weird to see Anna Farris playing a "straight" role, in direct contrast to her usual wackiness. Great '80s soundtrack, though, with a mix of pop, rock, new wave and old-school hip-hop. All in all, the film just doesn't work as well as I would've hoped.

WIN WIN -- Throughout his illustrious career, Paul Giamatti has cornered the market on the "schlub who is likeable in spite of his flaws" role, and this crowd-pleasing indie gem is another notch in his belt. He plays a nice guy, family man & high school wrestling coach who makes the unethical decision to become the legal guardian for an elderly client solely so he can cash the paychecks and save his struggling law practice. But a monkeywrench is thrown into this plan when the client's runaway teenage grandson shows up and causes everyone involved to reevaluate their feelings about responsibility and family. Sort of typical indie fare, plot-wise, but driven by great writing, outstanding performances from Giamatti and Amy Ryan, scene-stealing work from Bobby Cannavale and Jeffrey Tambor, and some of the best use of amateur wrestling outside of a John Irving novel. Worth seeking out.

I AM NUMBER FOUR -- For a franchise that was manufactured specifically to fill the TWILIGHT void for the teenybopper crowd, this isn't as terrible as you’d expect. John Smith is a strapping teenage alien from another world, on the run from creepy, black-cloaked enemies who want him dead. He hides out on Earth with his guardian (Timothy Olyphant, who is cool), constantly moving from small town to small town to elude capture -- but in one such town, unexpected things start to happen. First, he begins to develop crazy new super powers. Second, he falls in love with Quinn from GLEE. Third, he makes friends with the local science geek, who has an idea that strange things are afoot. Fourth, he makes enemies with the captain of the football team (and Quinn's ex-boyfriend). Naturally, the teen angst level is sky high throughout most of the movie; fortunately, the action kicks in just in time and the final act is an almost non-stop cacophony of alien shoot-outs, explosions, giant CGI monsters and more, with a hot alien chick protector (Teresa Palmer, who also plays the hottie in the aforementioned TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT) thrown in for good measure. Pretty standard, mindless teen fare with a sci-fi twist -- but it's a heck of a lot better than TWILIGHT.

UNKNOWN -- Liam Neeson has been awesome for a very long time, but I am particularly enjoying this new stage of his career in which he seems to have officially become Hollywood's go-to "family man action hero," taking the reigns that Harrison Ford held throughout the '80s and '90s. TAKEN was pretty damn good, and UNKNOWN is even better: Neeson stars as a renowned scientist who awakens from a coma to find that his identity has been stolen and his existence has essentially been replaced with someone else. His colleagues and even his own wife don't seem to recognize him and all sorts of craziness is afoot. An exciting and surprisingly intense race against time to uncover the truth ensues -- it's pretty solid entertainment with a very FRANTIC/FUGITIVE-esque feel. It doesn't necessarily surpass those Harrison Ford classics (though it does aspire to be a bit more cerebral, which is an interesting twist on the typically-straightforward genre), but it's worthy of being associated with them.

HALL PASS -- Admittedly, I didn't expect much from this movie about two middle-aged schlubs who get a one-week break from their marriages (though honestly, why anyone married to Jenna Fischer or Christina Applegate would require such a reprieve is beyond me). But dear God, its utter craptitude went far beyond even my lowest expectations. I've actually seen it receive some praise as a clever glimpse into the mind of a married men, and the Farrelly Bros. themselves refer to it as a chick flick in disguise. But come on. This is a dismally unfunny film and an embarrassment to all involved and a waste of some good talent (WTF, Richard Jenkins?) and Nicky Whelan's boobs. It even brings dick and poop jokes to new lows, and seriously makes me wonder if the Farrellys have ever been good. Still, from a certain point of view, seeing this movie was a relief, because there's a good chance I will not see a worse movie for the rest of the year -- it's all uphill from here.

DRIVE ANGRY 3D -- Just when I thought I was completely sick of the 3D trend, along comes Nic Cage to help breathe some life into the technology. This movie, which aspires to be nothing more than a fun grindhouse flick, stars Cage in "crazy mode" as a former criminal who escapes from Hell, joins forces with Amber Heard and goes on an ass-kicking rampage to avenge his daughter's death and rescue his baby granddaughter from the clutches of a satanic cult. I mean, come on -- that's good stuff. It's a veritable orgy of gratuitous violence, gore, boobs (Cage's mid-coitus shoot'em-up could go down as one of the more memorable action sequences of the year), more violence and lots of creative use of 3D (it was filmed in 3D -- no post-conversion crap -- so it actually looks good). Scene-stealing work from William Fichtner (one of those "Ohh, it's that guy!" guys) as the Agent Smith-esque "The Accountant," too. Simply put, DRIVE ANGRY is an f'ing blast.

Wooo, movies!

My First Big-Screen Quadruple Feature

Believe it or not, after all these years of being a crazy moviegoer, I had never seen four movies on the big screen in a single day.  Tons of double-features and plenty of triples... but the quadruple had always managed to elude me, for whatever reason.  That is, until Friday, August 20th, 2010, when the stars and showtimes were properly aligned, and I found myself at the movies all freakin’ day.  And even more remarkable than the milestone itself... all four of the movies were actually good!  It was one of the all-time great movie-watching days, and now I will take you through the experience, one movie at a time....

Thanks to the glory of 1:00 summer Fridays at work, I was able to easily make the 1:45 showing of the THE SWITCH at the AMC Empire, and it turned out to be a pleasant surprise.  It's a romantic comedy that follows the standard romantic comedy format -- but the plot is refreshingly original, the dialogue is snappy and the cast is truly outstanding, including Jason Bateman, Jeff Goldblum (who once again proves that he needs to be in more movies), Juliette Lewis and Patrick Wilson (the perfect Baxter).  The kid is hilarious, and even Old Lady Aniston is better than usual.  Funny, poignant, edgy and all-around entertaining -- probably the best traditional romantic comedy of the year so far.

Afterward, I grabbed some lunch and then went right back into the Empire for the 4:40 show of one of my most anticipated movies of the summer: PIRANHA 3D!  I opted to see it in ETX format, which stands for "Enhanced Theatre Experience." This basically means that it’s better than HD, but not quite IMAX, highlighted by a larger-than-average screen that literally stretches from the floor to ceiling, so it sufficiently fills your field of vision.  Crisp picture and booming sound, too.  Definitely a better choice than the fake IMAX screen at the Empire (though a far cry from the true IMAX Experience at Lincoln Square)... and a buck cheaper, too.

Anyway... PIRANHA 3D... yeah, it is pretty awesome.  From the opening scene with a very Matt Hooper-esque Richard Dreyfuss... to the non-stop cacophony of bouncing boobs and jiggling butts... to Eli Roth emceeing a wet t-shirt contest... to Elisabeth Shue as a kick-ass sheriff... to the naked underwater girl-on-girl ballet... to a truly geektastic cameo from Christopher Lloyd... to the grand climax featuring a solid 30 minutes of some of the craziest, unbridled bloody carnage I've seen in a movie since CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST... this movie is insane fun in every sense of the word and 3D technology at its absolute finest!  It’s interesting that for the first hour, pretty much all the blood & gore is CGI... but in the big climax, it’s all old-school blood, guts & gristle, which makes for quite a contrast.  Best death:  When the wire snaps and slices diagonally across a girl's body, undoing her bikini top and revealing a perfect breast -- only to have her upper torso slowly detach itself from the rest of the body and fall into the lake.  BRILLIANT.  Tremendous effort by Alexander Aja, who has already proven his horror chops with HAUTE TENSION (a perfect movie until the last five minutes) and the excellent 2006 remake of THE HILLS HAVE EYES. Good stuff!

After that, I switched gears a bit and headed up to Lincoln Plaza for the 7:05 showing of A FILM UNFINISHED, a documentary that uncovers the truth behind the unfinished Nazi propaganda films of the Warsaw Ghetto. If you’ve ever seen a documentary about the Holocaust, you know the footage I’m talking about -- it has been used as a reliable historical document for decades, and many of the images are instantly recognizable. However, a few years ago, a long-lost reel was discovered that revealed the full extent to which the footage was intricately staged by the Nazis -- it’s basically an outtake reel containing alternate takes and a far more authentic, unedited look at the atrocities of the Ghetto. The Nazis’ true intent was apparently to show the world that there were plenty of well-off Jews who didn’t have it so bad and were indifferent to the plights of others, to the point where they would ignore beggars in the street and enjoy fine dining.  But the outtakes prove that all of this was intricately manipulated -- scenes of well-dressed Jews sitting down for dinner were staged from multiple angles, with looks of fear evident on the “actors” faces. Crazy shit. The footage is shown in its entirety and juxtaposed with scenes of actual Holocaust survivors watching it in an empty theatre and reflecting on their memories. As fascinating as it is horrifying, this is an important film and a must-see.

So yeah, that was kind of a bummer. But undaunted, I headed a few blocks north to Loews Lincoln Square and snagged two tix for the 10:05 showing of SCOTT PILGRIM vs. THE WORLD! I met up with my lovely lady friend, Rachel, got pizza from our favorite pizza place on 68th, washed it down with frozen yogurt & coffee from a Frozen Yogurt & Coffee Truck we came across, and prepared ourselves for what we hoped would be two hours of pure, unadulterated epic awesomeness. And that’s exactly what we got -- SCOTT PILGRIM is another gigantic triumph for Edgar Wright, whose genius cannot be denied. It’s a geek’s paradise, loaded with video game references, non-sequiturs and ringer t-shirts, and bursting with some of the most creative visuals we’ll see all year. It’s also arguably Michael Cera’s best performance ever.  Now, I’ve made no secret that his lack of range has been annoying me for a while.  He’s basically been playing the George Michael Bluth role in every movie he’s ever made. But while Scott Pilgrim is still very much a Cera character, he is far more nuanced, more aggressive and confident in his own awesomeness... plus he kicks ass and rocks. Instead of being an awkward teenager who has trouble talking to girls, which is Cera’s forte, Scott Pilgrim is a slightly-less-awkward twenty-something who has success with girls in spite of himself.  It’s like the culmination of all of Cera’s performances to date and I can't imagine anyone else in the role (though now would be a perfect  point for him to go and do something COMPLETELY different next time, so we’ll see how that goes). Fantastic supporting cast, too -- Mary Elizabeth Winstead is indeed dreamy and ultra-cool as Ramona Flowers, while you gotta wonder if maybe Scott would be better off with sweet, loyal, excitable Knives Chau. And the League of Evil Exes is unquestionably one of the great ideas in the history of great ideas -- each one is awesome, hilarious and well-developed (personal favorite: Brandon Routh and his vegan superpowers. Also, anybody else recognize the actress that plays Roxy Richter? I didn’t, but my girlfriend did. Hint: she’s worked with Michael Cera before!) and the fight scenes are outstanding and really make me want to bust out of my old Super NES and play some Street Fighter II. I don’t usually put much stock in box office performance, but honestly, the fact that this movie is turning out to be a flop is definitive proof that the general public has shit for brains. Suffice to say that I am very much in lesbians with SCOTT PILGRIM vs. THE WORLD and I can’t wait to revisit it many more times on Blu-Ray!

Well, folks, there you have it.  At around 12:15 a.m., I exited the theatre and headed home with four fresh ticket stubs in my pocket. My longest-ever day of movie-watching was complete.  I guess the next step is to see FIVE movies in a single day.  Difficult, yes... but not impossible.  We'll see what happens someday when I have a full day off and am feelings particularly cinematic!